Chasing The World!

Oy, the ‘Gee, you Don’t look sick…’ comment really hurts! Earlier today I had to sit down on the sofa and just stare at my dogs as they chased each other around the house. There was nothing I could do about it as I couldn’t stand for the pain in my gut.

See, I have Crohn’s Disease. Actually, I have CD, arthritis due to the CD, ovarian cysts and a whole myriad of other issues, most of which are caused by my CD.

So I just sat there and watched my big dog heard my puppy into corners while he stared up at the loud barking dog over him. Finally I was able to catch my breath and then catch the puppy to return him to the gated area where we could curl up on the sofa together.

He’s actually a really well behaved little dog, except when he’s running wild with the big dog. Actually in training to be my service dog. At first I just didn’t dare leave him alone, so he went everywhere with me. But then one day, not long after getting out of the hospital for a partial bowel obstruction, I was at Target with him. He started to get extremely agitated the longer we were in the store. Suddenly I realized that my pain levels were building and I hadn’t realized it. I was not yet in fall down pain, but if he had not alerted me to it, I would have been at that point and in too much pain to drive home. Since then I rarely leave home without him.

I’m sure people who are not sick do not understand how I was in extreme pain but did not realize it. But when you deal with excruciating pain on a daily basis, it some times becomes old hat. I have been on the sofa clenching my jaw and fists in pain and not even realized it until my boyfriend asked if we needed to go to the hospital. I live on constant pain killers and in constant pain. Hospitals and doctors ask people to rate their pain on a scale from one to ten. One being no pain at all, ten being the worst pain you’ve ever felt. I don’t remember a moment in the past year that I have not been below a three. Some times I can reach an eight and not even notice I’m in pain until I physically cannot move and breathing is a near impossibility. I will end up on the sofa or floor curled up in pain with tears streaming and the last thing I need is for that to happen when I am twenty minutes from home shopping and by myself. So while many people do not think the poofy little maltipoo that’s riding around in the baby seat of the cart I’m pushing, he’s already saved me a trip to the hospital on one occasion.

So while I might not look sick, most days are a struggle in one way or another.